Take My Light (I'll Be Your Darkness)
by FanaticismForWords
Summary: He knows its not her. He has the mantra repeating constantly in his head. But he can't manage to formulate any other thoughts besides her laugh, the blue of her eyes and her bright smile even when he tries to block them out in order to release his arrow into her heart. Or: Another way Crisis On Earth-X could have gone down.


**Take My Light (I'll Be Your Darkness)**

He didn't really see her at first.

Of course, he did his research. He was careful to plan and fabricate every miniscule detail of the plan. But he didn't have the means to transport to another earth yet, the tech was still ongoing and he wasn't going to risk himself by testing it.

His research came in the form of Harrison Wells.

He didn't trust the genius, Wells had a plan of his own, his personal agenda, and so he kept the majority of the plan to himself.

But Wells had his own plan for vengeance. Some kind of lifelong vendetta against Barry Allen of that Earth, so he decided that Wells would, for his own selfish need, provide him with enough data to activate the next part of his plan; the part that would ensure Kara's safety.

He loves Kara; there is no doubt about that. She's his best friend; has been his best friend every since he and Tommy were six. The three of them were thick as thieves, during training and all the in between, and he loves her. As a friend. As a partner.

He's just not in love with her.

When he first came to the new Earth, he expected everyone. Of course there were some holes to be filled, some information that Wells didn't provide, didn't know. He knew almost everything about Barry Allen through Wells' obsessive tendencies, and the fact that Kara Danvers from yet another Earth would be taking part in his wedding. The Legends were somewhat hard not to know about, even though there were some new members he couldn't really pinpoint.

Oliver Queen, his doppelganger, was an absolute mystery.

Wells never really focused on Queen during his stalking of Barry. All he knew was that he was also an expert archer, skilled fighter, had his own team, and was a vigilante for Star City. Barry Allen's friend, Thea Queen's brother, and late Tommy Merlyn's best friend.

The facts were so analogous, he had to wonder if Oliver Queen of that Earth was as broken, dark, and scarred as he was. If Oliver was the shell of the man, he is now, his light sucked out until there is nothing left over but darkness and agony.

He doesn't see her at first.

He attacks the wedding. He's too busy focusing on Kara Danvers, wearing a pink dress that his Kara won't be seen dead in, that he doesn't see her. She's swept away out of the building along with the other guests before he can fully scan the area, before he can notice the look of panic and nostalgia his Kara gives him.

He fights the first battle. He's underestimated this Oliver Queen. This Earth's Oliver Queen can almost counter every one of his attacks, fires an arrow as precisely as he does, and commands a room as well as he does.

But this Oliver Queen has a weakness, a light.

He thinks that it's going to get him killed. It's what got Prometheus killed.

He kidnaps the heroes of the earth. Every single one of them except Supergirl. He has her strapped onto a medical table beside his Kara, ready for the extraction of one heart for another, the only way he'll be able to be sane.

He's too busy panicking; too busy trying to focus on Kara, making sure she's safe that he doesn't notice even then.

There is a ringing in his ears, the loss of light and the anger coursing through his veins that causes him to ignore everything else but Wells.

He finally sees her when he asks Wells who encrypted the system. Through the darkness, and the ringing of his ears, she stands out like a bright light; she always has.

He sees her before Wells says her name. He sees her after five years.

" _Oliver..." She squeals as she runs across his room, blonde hair flying behind her, wearing nothing but his shirt that rides up when she jumps on the bed._

 _The second it takes for her to climb up is the only second he needs. He pounces after her, both of them falling onto the bed, his arm cushioning her head._

 _She takes the liberty of tucking herself under his chin, letting out at soft sigh when he pampers her face and neck with small butterfly kisses._

" _Oliver," she whispers, her eyes closed in bliss._

 _He doesn't think he's ever seen anything more beautiful, more precious than her. She's radiant and glowing, and burst of pure sunshine in this hell that he's been put into._

" _Hmmm" He mummers on the skin of her collarbone, smiling at the tug of her fingers in his hair._

" _We need to go to work. Tommy and Kara are waiting."_

 _His brows furrow and he stops his assault on her body before climbing back onto his pillow, so that they're eye to eye._

 _He knows her better than anyone else in the world does. But everyone else in the world knows that if there is one thing Felicity Smoak absolutely hates, it's working for the Nazis. They found her in an abandoned hut and figured that her brain surpasses everyone else's. She unwillingly became one of them, and they chose to turn a blind eye on her when she uses her brains to help the prisoners, her people, on the occasion._

 _Every Friday. Today, she turns off the electrocuting chairs, the painful headsets, shock devices and the stinging batons. Every Friday, she saves people._

 _Every Friday, she becomes a hero._

 _And who is he to take that bit of happiness from her?_

 _He jumps off the bed and pulls her up as well after him. She crashes into him and their lips meet in something so soft, slow, gentle, and so unlike him that he clings onto her just a little tighter, his lips lingering just a little bit longer._

" _Felicity," Her bright blue eyes meet his, and he places a kiss on both of them, before placing his lips on her forehead in hopes that the words will etch into her brain, "I love you so much."_

 _Her soft pink lips split into a wide smile, the only smile he loves more than Kara and Tommy's, and she says his three favourite words coming from her apart from his name, "I love you."_

 _They get ready in the same way they always do, moving around each other in a well-practiced dance, like a well-oiled machine. Kara and Tommy are waiting for them when they enter the large building, and Oliver feels a pang in his heart every time she clutches his hand tighter in fear when she enters it._

 _He's the villain in this story. He is the head of all this. He is the one killing of the people she's trying to save, the people that could possibly be her own blood, and she's holding his hand. She should be screaming and running away from him, and yet, she's holding onto him as if he's her only anchor._

 _As soon as the four of them are left alone, Kara makes a beeline for Felicity, and the two friends link their arms together, chattering about some soap opera they watched last night. He knows that she won't know what Kara is talking about; she didn't get to watch half of the show anyway especially since he was home early and she was wearing nothing but his shirt and a pair of underwear scooping spoonfuls of mint chocolate-chip into her mouth._

" _You should really put a ring on her man." Tommy interrupts his blissful recollection._

 _It's the only thing his best friend says, before he walks towards the control room, but he unconsciously palms the small box in his pocket, containing the precious ring he picked out for her, a few months ago._

 _And as he watches her laugh with Kara, the two women finding solace in whatever light they have left to spare in this dark world we were forced upon into, he can't help but think that maybe if he does marry her, things would be alright. Maybe they can start the revolution the four of them have been planning about for years; the one where they take back their earth and make it into something good and pure, like Felicity._

 _Maybe he could be happy again._

"Felicity Smoak," he says her name aloud for the first time in five years. And even though this is not her, even though her hair is shorter, her blue eyes and obscured by glasses, and her clothes are different, he can't help but say it the way he used to say to _her_ all those years ago. Her name used to be his favourite word, the way it used to roll off his tongue, the way she used to brighten up when he said it.

She may not be her, but her tells are the same, her eyes are the same, they betray every thought and emotion that floats through her head and he doesn't know whether the fact that he can read Felicity Smoak like a book, despite the earth, is a solace or another form of agony. Especially when her eyes widen in recognition and something other than fear and anger runs through those blue orbs, something similar to understanding.

He forces himself to focus on Kara, his, dying Kara. He can't lose anyone else, even though he knows that his Tommy Merlyn is running things back home, making sure everything is all right, trying not to feel the guilt for kidnapping another Thomas Merlyn and using him to fool Wells. His Tommy is good like that.

"What is the password?"

And he forces himself to harden his heart, but it doesn't stop himself from closing his eyes, doesn't stop him from aiming his arrow at Wells just in case he decides to kill her. He can see Iris' eyes track the movement, but he doesn't care. He's not going to see her die.

"Latte, Ada, Jonas, 11900"

" _Ms Smoak, one of your incompetent employees spilled a latte on my laptop. It has precious information on it and I need all retrieved now!"_

" _Jeez. A, hi Ms Smoak my laptop is injured and I need you to save it would have also worked. But you don't know me but I know you and I'm still talking and insulting you and you're probably going to kill me so I will stop. In 3, 2, 1."_

" _I had a dog named Ada. She ran away one day and I looked all over the place to find her but I couldn't. I remember spending days crying over her until I convinced myself that she found her do family and she's living happily ever after with them. "_

" _Oliver Jonas Queen, I love you so much it almost hurts."_

He sees her again. This time, he has an arrow pointed at her heart. She looks scared, but she fearlessly protects her friend, yells at him, and he has to keep repeating the mantra in his head.

 _She's not her. She's not her. She is not her._

If he doesn't do this, he loses Kara. He can't keep his promise without Kara. He'll become a true monster if Kara dies, and he can't let that happen. He's lost so much already as it is. His conscious, sleep, and peace of mind for Kara's life isn't even a large price.

And when she looks at him it's with an expression that his Felicity had, when he first saved her, when he first brought her into the plan; the revolution.

The look she had on her face as she died in his arms.

" _Oliver..." She croaks out. The crimson on her shirt getting larger and larger._

" _Don't talk. Don't talk Felicity. You're going to be okay." He pleads with her. He practically begs her, on his knees, holding tightly to the finger that hasn't even bore his ring for a full twenty-four hours yet._

" _No. No, I'm not. I know that and it's okay. I'm going to be okay. You know why?" She tries to smile for him. She ignores her pain and flashes a set of pearly white teeth, obscured by blood._

" _Felicity," He chokes on her name, shaking his head, his tears blurring his vision. He can faintly hear Kara sobbing in the background._

 _His mouth just keeps repeating her name, unable to say anything else._

 _She reaches for his face, and she strokes his jaw and he starts sobbing, trying to listen to what she's saying, he'll always listen to what she's saying, "I'll be okay. As long as you do one thing for me."_

 _He nods. He'll do anything for her. He'll take her place, kill every single Nazi, and bomb this entire, terrible world if she asks for it._

" _Don't stop..." He voice loses its breath, her eyes lose some of its spark, and he just sobs louder and harder._

 _But she pushes herself, they don't call her a fighter for no reason, she isn't the strongest of them all for no reason, "Don't stop with the revolution. Keep fighting. Fight for me. Give me peace."_

 _He can't. He can't do this without her. He can't do anything without her. He can't live. He can't breathe. He can't survive without her. He doesn't want to._

" _Promise me. Promise me Oliver." She's the one begging now, and he's never been good at denying her anything._

" _I promise. I promise. I'm going to fix this." He swears on her, on her life and he knows now that there is no going back. Not anymore._

 _She smiles her very last smile, cries her very last tears, and breaths out her very last words,_

" _I love you Oliver Jonas Queen. I love you so damn much."_

 _He screams when her heartbeat stops. He screams harder and louder than he did when his sister died. He sobs, and screams and rocks his life back and forth, whispering her name and I love yous into her hair._

 _He doesn't stop until Tommy knocks him out an hour later, and he falls onto the concrete pavement tearfully whispering her name for the last time._

 _When he wakes up, it's with an empty heart and blank dead eyes._

 _It's with nothing left but a promise to the only one he loved. The only one he will ever love. The only one that ever mattered to him._

 _He's going to give her peace. He won't rest until he does._

In the end, it's her doppelganger that saves him from himself.

She's not her. He knows that by now. He's said it so many times; it's practically stuck into his head.

And yet, she's the one who saves him.

His doppelganger beats him during the fight, he sees the tip of the arrow pointed at his heart and he feels an overwhelming sense of relief, he wasn't lying when he said he couldn't do this without her.

He's broken and bloody and bruised, his bones and ribs ache and he can't wait to see his life again.

He smiles when the world goes dark and her face appears in his head, her long blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

He opens his eyes to a rhythm of beeping, and to an assault of light, and whiteness.

He thinks that this must be heaven, but then deems that impossible because he'll never, for the life of him, get into heaven.

He second-guesses his thoughts when he sees her, standing right beside him in all her beauty and radiance. Softly smiling at him. But there isn't any love in her eyes, not the ones he's used to seeing from her and it's then that the notices the glasses and the short hair.

"You're not her." He whispers more to himself than her, but she hears it anyway.

"No. No, I'm not." She looks nervous, she's wringing her hands in fear and he doesn't really blame her, not after everything he's done.

"I...um...Kara...your Kara told me about your Felicity." Tears fill his eyes at the mention of her and he closes them before his eyes snap open again at the reminder of Kara.

 _He can't lose anyone else._

She reads his mind, of course, she can, "She's okay. We found a way to use our Kara's DNA to save your Kara. She's resting right now. She'll wake up in a couple of minutes."

He's ripping off the IV and wires that link him to a heart monitor, and grits his teeth to stop the pain from overwhelming him. He notices the large gauze right below his heart and can finally identify what knocked him out; an arrow.

"You deserved it." This Felicity speaks again, and her arms are crossed and her eyes, however understanding they may be, are still cold.

Yet another reminder of how she's not his love.

"He should have aimed higher." He means to mutter under his breath, but he doesn't realize how much the room echoes, because the coldness suddenly melts from her eyes, and she makes a step towards him.

"You're not helping me." His voice is pained and vulnerable, but he can't help it. Every time he sees her face, he wants to burst into tears and die.

She doesn't say anything, just looks at him for a moment, while he looks at everything but her, noticing from the reflection on the mirror that his doppelganger is behind him, presumably to watch over the women in front of him. Some part of him is glad. Maybe if he watched over Felicity with this much scrutiny she'd still be alive today.

"Kara, your Kara is on the first door to your right." The woman in front of him says with a hard tone, and a slight tremble of fear.

 _She's not her._

He seems to believe it more and more now, and finds it easy to walk away from her, easy to walk out and not look at anything, not even the cold glare The Green Arrow is giving him.

He increases his pace when he sees Kara, and freezes and winces when Supergirl, the women he almost killed without any remorse is spotted by her bedside.

"After all this is over, you leave this Earth."

She doesn't need to tell him twice. He needs to get back. He has to give his Felicity peace. He has to fulfil his promise.

Kara's eyes flutter open and he feels like he can finally breathe, as if he finally regained his sanity in two months.

The remaining part of his sanity that Felicity didn't take with her.

She smiles at him slightly when she wakes up. Her features have regained its color, and her eyes have a fraction of the spark that Felicity gave to her when she was alive; the spark that Kara's been keeping safe and nurturing for five years now.

He doesn't say anything, they've never really been good with words but they've been through so much together that their thoughts and questions are usually predictable.

"How much?" He asks her, and he can feel the rest of the superheroes of this earth crowding behind him.

It doesn't bother Kara. "Everything. I told them about the Revolution, how Tommy is back home making sure things still run as planned, the bombs set everywhere, the new homes we're building for the people, our fake marriage to convince Wells, lying to Wells, my condition, and…Felicity."

He grips onto her hand tightly, and, not caring that she's probably in pain right now, or the fact that her husband is waiting for her at home, he places a final, gentle kiss on her mouth, not romantic in any way but rather one of friendship, partnership, and relief.

Hers is the last face he sees of this Earth. No one else is there when he leaves, he doesn't expect anyone to, but his doppelganger and his new wife are present.

It hurts for him to see them. It reminds him of what could have been, of what he could have had. The Green Arrow seems to understand, because while he doesn't shake his hand and wish him luck, he gives him a sad nod, somehow knowing what floats through his mind, understanding how much a life without Felicity Smoak will hurt.

He wonders for the first time whether the two of them are that very different.

Felicity however, has no hesitation to walk up to him, and he clenches his jaw at how familiar her small, sad smile is.

"Your Felicity was probably rolling in her grave during this whole fiasco,"

It's a low blow, and he definitely deserves it, but it doesn't lessen the pain in any way. He feels it like a bulldozer, and especially since its coming from someone who looks just like her, the hurt doesn't stop and all he sees his red.

She seems to notice as well because she quickly adds,

"But I'm sure she will be at peace now. Especially since you're going to save Earth X."

And for the last time in his entire life, he takes his last look at Felicity Smoak, and sees the things he previously tried to ignore.

The glint in her eyes, the brave in her stance, the kind in her heart, and the light she radiates.

She may not be _her_ and she may not be his, but she's alive and safe and this Earth is so damn lucky to have her.

It's his last thought as he walks through the portal to his world. His dark, cold, cruel world that took everything away from him.

And he begins his mission; giving his love peace.

"It's all gone honey. The camps are ashes, everyone is safe, and they're living in the homes that you designed. We did it hon. You did it Felicity."

He caresses the name on the gravestone, and relishes in the coolness of the stone on the hot summer day.

It's been months since he invaded the other Earth, and ever since then things have been moving smoothly.

It was easy to infiltrate the Nazis. Between him, Tommy, Overgirl and the few that were on their side, they were practically unstoppable. It was getting everyone's trust that took a whole lot of time. It was only after he had taken a shot to the ribcage for a little girl with blonde hair and green eyes that the people slowly started to accept him. They built a private a beautiful memorial for Felicity, calling her their savior, rightfully so, and her grave is now filled with many flowers on a daily basis.

"I'm sorry I didn't come by sooner. I was ashamed of what I did on that Earth. I felt like I only deserved see you after everything was over. After I had fulfilled my promise. It was stupid, but you know me."

Her death doesn't hurt as much anymore. Maybe it's time, or maybe it's the fact that he's fulfilled her final wish, but he's able to see her face on photos and hear her name without completely falling apart. Sure, he wakes up in tears and sweat at the middle of the night, and runs like the plague when he spots little blonde girls and boys with bright blue eyes, but he's taking it one-step at a time.

He thinks of the other Earth, the one where he caused so much pain and destruction, the one where he saw the monster he could have been as well as one universal truth.

"You know what baby; I think I realized something when I went to that Earth." He takes a deep breath, it's never easy talking about this, it was painful enough to say it in my head, "You and me Felicity, we're forever. No matter who we are, no matter where we are, no matter what Earth we're on, you and I, Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak, we're endgame."

"I love you so much Felicity Megan Smoak,"

And far away on another Earth, Felicity Queen lies in bed tracing her husband's scars, and the words are uttered back, to a different person, yes, but the same words nevertheless, holding the same meaning, as powerful as it always is,

"I love you so much Oliver Jonas Queen."

Some people are just meant to be.


End file.
